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Step 1: Great Suffering…

Starting a new religion doesn’t have to be painful (to you) because–

Tip: Great Suffering is a Great Opportunity!

Step 2: Follower / Customer Management

Keep in mind that you can never truly convince anybody of anything.

Tip: Instead on focusing your efforts on changing minds, help your followers confirm whatever they already believe in. Make it work!

They will love you when you tell them that they were right all along.

Tip: Divergent viewpoint problems can be solved when you speak and nobody really knows what-the-heck you are saying — yet they are still strangely interested.

Step 3: Proper Messaging = Revenue & Customer Growth

Give the devil his dues. Politicians are successful leaders of another kind of religion. As they will attest, fiscal revenue and believer growth are two sides of the same coin.

Tip: There is no question spiritual growth is important to the spiritual realm. However, if you want to rapidly grow in this world, you will have to bank money.

Fiscally positive messaging target strategies:

Revenue Target: Church Leaders

  • Share the savings! Help fellow incorruptible church leaders use net commission amounts to “save the world” in any which way that inspires them.
  • They will surprise themselves at how much individual saving they can do!

Revenue Target: Laymen / All Women / True Believers

  • Help true believers meet their individual financial goals by helping them lower their pious worldly needs. (It’s a true win-win if they give everything to the religion)
  • Equal Opportunity Receiver: Accept all contributions regardless of the income/poverty level. (Every copper penny adds up.)
  • This also keeps the door open if they start making more money later.

Revenue Target: Location, Location, Location

  • Some prosperous nations will help you maximise net revenues with 0% taxes.
  • However, don’t lose your faith, if great opportunities like this are not readily available. There are always other places in need of saving.

Revenue Target: Small Children

  • Create a Full Life Cycle Religion! Encourage followers to have lots of children. (I mean literally have your followers fill up lots with children!)
  • Kids can never be too young to get locked in. Here are a few ideas that have been known to be helpful
    • It is never too early for parents to make lifelong commitments for their children.
    • Make the indoctrination Lots of F-U-N for the kids: Lots of Friendships & Unicorns without any Nihilisms …

Revenue Target: Death Card

  • And finally, Death brings great weaknesses, which as we know brings great opportunities! Use this fear early, wisely and often.

Step 4: Manage Turnover

Turnover can doom your religion. However, don’t count their lost souls out yet! Listed below are a couple of effective ways to help combat this.

Tip: The conventional way to deal with those who want to leave is to threaten them with death and eternal damnation.

  • However, you can completely disregard all attempts at them leaving once you make your religion a birth right or a way of life. However, it is imperative that close knit friends and family members stay on the right message. So–

Tip: Threaten family members of those who want to leave with death and eternal damnation as well!

And Finally, Step 5: Get Lucky

Skill will only take you so far. If you blindly send your flock west to avoid the struggles of the east, you better get lucky and find a great place or else you just might be the one with heck to pay.

Tip: Need not worry about the poor/soulless indigenous native savages. They don’t have any money.

Good Luck and Godspeed!